Ready
Set
Go!
Mommy and Abby walked Anna to school on the first day. She was ready, curious, and confident. She blew me a kiss as she walked into class and had a great day!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Big Day!
Ready
Set
Go!
Mommy and Abby walked Anna to school on the first day. She was ready, curious, and confident. She blew me a kiss as she walked into class and had a great day!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Five Weeks Home
We have been together as a family of six for five weeks now! I just read the Post Placement report written by our social worker at 3 weeks. What a difference!
The little girls are playing together more every day.
They are holding hands and sharing things.
Every one is going to bed with out Mommy in the room and with "close the door".
The only person sleeping with Mommy is Daddy!
Anna has convinced Emery that it is really the "Muffin Man" and not the "Button Man".
Every one is loving Emery's laugh and sense of humor! What a funny boy.
We are all learning and growing every day. There are still challenges that surprise us and dinner was mac and cheese tonight, but we are getting there. Maybe this week i will make something for dinner that does not have spaghetti sauce. Any ideas? Thank you for praying! and Thank you to the Hodge's for giving up your Saturday to serve us!!! We are so very blessed.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Let the Fun Begin
This week we have been to 2 wading pools and a spray park. Emery is a fish. He has a bath each morning asking for "big water" "Emery fish, swim." with lots of gestures and a huge smile. Today there were tear when i had to lift him from the tub so the girls could have a turn. He loved the spray park until we got in the car on the way home. Then, "no spshhh water, Mommy. Big one. Big big water. Emery Fish Mommy." The crazy thing is he can hold his breath and swim under water.
We have been enjoying the evening Thunder showers from the garage and continue to have our evening parades around the block. Also enjoying the company of a few friend again.
More pictures later. Until then, thank you for your prayers and calls. We re so blessed. Continue to leave messages as we have not yet turned the ringer back on on the house phone. :)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
How Was Haiti?
Hot!!! Even the Haitian’s thought it was hot. Four showers a day and cold drinking water kept me sane and the headaches never got out of control! Praise the Lord and thank you all for praying.
As for the kids: it was amazing! Emery was ready and did not even want to show us his bed but only find his new bed in our room. Abby was not ready, but we held her, returned to her room, let her hug her favorite auntie and held her again. In less than an hour she was not crying with us. At bed time she defiantly wanted to go back to her bed, but we went for a walk, talked and prayed. I explained to her that God had put us together and He would take care of all of us. She acted like she believed me, smiled and laid her head on my shoulder. She slept well and was walking to me with big smiles the next day. They both have the greatest laugh. We took them to Mama Duncan’s swimming pool one day and they both loved it. Emery can not swim, but has no fear of the water and thinks he is a fish.
Monday was our day to go to town with the kids for the Visa appointment. A staff member went with us to the appointment and it was quick and easy. A couple of signatures and a quick look at our passports and we were done. The kids passports/Visas were to us on Wed. along with all of our other documents making it even harder to wait until Friday to go home. The kids were anxious to “fly” and we were very ready to take them.
Our suitcase with our family’s clothes and personal items was not at the airport with the other bags when we arrived. Despite emails, phone calls and a few people going to the airport, we still do not have our bag or any hope for it. While packing all the donations and things I put the dress clothes we needed for our Visa appointment in a bag with donations and had the “great idea” to split up the underwear. Thank you Jesus! We each had 3 pair of unders and the clothes for our Visa appointment. Other than that, it was what we wore on the airplane. We washed the clothes in the sink each night and they dried quickly. I found a little knit dress in the donations to use for a night gown. We were able to use the orphanage clothes for the kids while we were there and then all wore our Visa appointment clothes home. Guess we learned a thing or two there.
Before we flew out on Friday we were able to meet the kids’ birth parents. They were wonderful people. We were able to assure them of our love and care for the children and they were able to share with us their great love for them and to entrust them us and to God. I am sure that the pictures taken will be greatly treasured by the kids as they grow and by the parents as they continue. There was a pastor there with them and we were glad to see his heart to bring comfort and counsel to the family.
We are home now and learning and growing together. The kids have both gotten a new tooth and Anna has lost one, gained the new one and has another loose one now. We eat together at the table as a family, say please and thank you, excuse me, and I’m sorry. Baths are big fun and so is playing outside. Yesterday Anna got out the dress up clothes. Emery wanted her white “wedding” dress so he could be a princess. Anna convinced him to take the pink wings instead. He donned the wings, declared himself a butterfly and raced outside. Returning in only one minute to announce they “no work. “ Emery no fly. Emery no butterfly!” We asked him to tell us what he did, how he knew they did not work, etc. He told us (while laughing at himself) that he jumped off and fell, “no fly”. We all laughed and then wondered aloud why a boy would think he could fly. Have you ever seen a boy fly by? Nor have I.
As for the kids: it was amazing! Emery was ready and did not even want to show us his bed but only find his new bed in our room. Abby was not ready, but we held her, returned to her room, let her hug her favorite auntie and held her again. In less than an hour she was not crying with us. At bed time she defiantly wanted to go back to her bed, but we went for a walk, talked and prayed. I explained to her that God had put us together and He would take care of all of us. She acted like she believed me, smiled and laid her head on my shoulder. She slept well and was walking to me with big smiles the next day. They both have the greatest laugh. We took them to Mama Duncan’s swimming pool one day and they both loved it. Emery can not swim, but has no fear of the water and thinks he is a fish.
Monday was our day to go to town with the kids for the Visa appointment. A staff member went with us to the appointment and it was quick and easy. A couple of signatures and a quick look at our passports and we were done. The kids passports/Visas were to us on Wed. along with all of our other documents making it even harder to wait until Friday to go home. The kids were anxious to “fly” and we were very ready to take them.
Our suitcase with our family’s clothes and personal items was not at the airport with the other bags when we arrived. Despite emails, phone calls and a few people going to the airport, we still do not have our bag or any hope for it. While packing all the donations and things I put the dress clothes we needed for our Visa appointment in a bag with donations and had the “great idea” to split up the underwear. Thank you Jesus! We each had 3 pair of unders and the clothes for our Visa appointment. Other than that, it was what we wore on the airplane. We washed the clothes in the sink each night and they dried quickly. I found a little knit dress in the donations to use for a night gown. We were able to use the orphanage clothes for the kids while we were there and then all wore our Visa appointment clothes home. Guess we learned a thing or two there.
Before we flew out on Friday we were able to meet the kids’ birth parents. They were wonderful people. We were able to assure them of our love and care for the children and they were able to share with us their great love for them and to entrust them us and to God. I am sure that the pictures taken will be greatly treasured by the kids as they grow and by the parents as they continue. There was a pastor there with them and we were glad to see his heart to bring comfort and counsel to the family.
We are home now and learning and growing together. The kids have both gotten a new tooth and Anna has lost one, gained the new one and has another loose one now. We eat together at the table as a family, say please and thank you, excuse me, and I’m sorry. Baths are big fun and so is playing outside. Yesterday Anna got out the dress up clothes. Emery wanted her white “wedding” dress so he could be a princess. Anna convinced him to take the pink wings instead. He donned the wings, declared himself a butterfly and raced outside. Returning in only one minute to announce they “no work. “ Emery no fly. Emery no butterfly!” We asked him to tell us what he did, how he knew they did not work, etc. He told us (while laughing at himself) that he jumped off and fell, “no fly”. We all laughed and then wondered aloud why a boy would think he could fly. Have you ever seen a boy fly by? Nor have I.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Fun Times
We are taking tons of walks to the school and to the park, or just around the block. Emery asks for the park because he wants "Emery tractor in sand box". We have 2 red tricycles. Our two oldest children are very competitive and both want to be first or at least keep up with the other. I now know the top speed of a little red "motocycle". I just laugh out loud to see those four little legs pumping as fast as they can. Running head to head, Emery's bike is a little bigger so he has the advantage there, but Anna is more coordinated and determined so she gets the upper hand by a thread. The little girls are into touring with comfort: feet propped up and lounging in the wagon or little car, being towed by their parents. That could only be made better by adding snacks to munch on while the parents do the work.
Saturday morning's trip to the park led us past 12 or so garage sales in the 5 blocks to the park. I kept wondering what Emery was thinking about these people putting all their stuff outside to show everyone. He, however, did not seem to notice. I was not thinking what all the Americans sitting with the stuff would be thinking about our normal little family on a walk to the park, but as luck and culture would have it, I did not have to wonder. Someone just said, in their out loud voice, "Oh, here comes the parade." Then I thought we should throw candy to them. No, wait; We have the kids, they should throw candy to us. Either way, no candy. But we did have fun times at the park and the parade continues mornings and evenings somewhere between Avenues B and D and 17th and 20th streets. If you see us, wave but don't throw anything.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
A letter to read before we play
As we begin to branch out from our immediate family and our own back yard, we ask that you would read this letter and be mindful of these things as we continue to adjust in the next weeks and months.
Dear Family & Friends,
If you can believe it, the time is finally here!! The precious children God has chosen for our family are home! We know that each of you receiving this letter has, in some way, supported, loved and prayed for us. Because we know you care for Emery and Abby and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In many ways, Emery and Abby will be like all other children; we will parent like other Christian families as we bring our children up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But there will be a few, initial differences. For years now, we have researched bonding and attachment in children, especially those coming home through adoption from an institutional orphanage setting.
We are confident of this: God’s design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and family can be a major trauma on their little hearts. The good news is that we now, as Emery and Abby’s parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help them heal from these emotional wounds. As our children come home, they are overwhelmed. Everything around them is new and they will need to learn not just about their new environment, but also about love and family. Our children have not been in a family for over a year and even their first family was in crisis; not strong and stable. The children were hugged and loved by so many different people in the orphanage that they have become somewhat indiscriminate in their search for guidance and affection. The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed the children. As this repeats between us, they will be able to learn that we are their parents, their safe place and their primary love relationship. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Emery and Abby start to establish this important bond, they will then be able to branch out and enjoy other, healthy relationships.
Emery and Abby will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on immense amounts of research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help them heal from the interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our children settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if all adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Emery and Abby. This will (for a while) include things like holding, hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone - which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, pats on the back or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Our children should know that the people with whom they interact are our trusted friends.
Another area is redirecting the children’s requests to have physical needs met or instruction given by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet their needs. The orphanage often had so many visitors and caretakers that the children looked to any adult to meet their needs and tell them what to do. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is not best for them at this time. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have our children hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until they have a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct them to us if you see that they are seeking out food, affection direction, or comfort.
We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious children. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past many months. If you have any questions please feel free to ask at any time! We love to talk about our kids.
In Christ’s Love,
Joel and Gail
Dear Family & Friends,
If you can believe it, the time is finally here!! The precious children God has chosen for our family are home! We know that each of you receiving this letter has, in some way, supported, loved and prayed for us. Because we know you care for Emery and Abby and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.
In many ways, Emery and Abby will be like all other children; we will parent like other Christian families as we bring our children up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But there will be a few, initial differences. For years now, we have researched bonding and attachment in children, especially those coming home through adoption from an institutional orphanage setting.
We are confident of this: God’s design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and family can be a major trauma on their little hearts. The good news is that we now, as Emery and Abby’s parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help them heal from these emotional wounds. As our children come home, they are overwhelmed. Everything around them is new and they will need to learn not just about their new environment, but also about love and family. Our children have not been in a family for over a year and even their first family was in crisis; not strong and stable. The children were hugged and loved by so many different people in the orphanage that they have become somewhat indiscriminate in their search for guidance and affection. The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed the children. As this repeats between us, they will be able to learn that we are their parents, their safe place and their primary love relationship. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Emery and Abby start to establish this important bond, they will then be able to branch out and enjoy other, healthy relationships.
Emery and Abby will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on immense amounts of research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help them heal from the interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our children settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if all adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Emery and Abby. This will (for a while) include things like holding, hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone - which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, pats on the back or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Our children should know that the people with whom they interact are our trusted friends.
Another area is redirecting the children’s requests to have physical needs met or instruction given by anyone (including strangers) to having us meet their needs. The orphanage often had so many visitors and caretakers that the children looked to any adult to meet their needs and tell them what to do. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is not best for them at this time. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have our children hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until they have a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct them to us if you see that they are seeking out food, affection direction, or comfort.
We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious children. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past many months. If you have any questions please feel free to ask at any time! We love to talk about our kids.
In Christ’s Love,
Joel and Gail
Friday, July 24, 2009
A Few Pictures
No time for well thought out posts, just some pictures. (I know that is what you really want anyway.)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Home just in time for...
Happy Birthday Emery!! Our big boy is four years old today. After a not so fun, but tolerated, trip to the doctor and much needed domi (sleep), we will celebrate the Bergstedt way. With ice cream!
I will try to post a well thought out overview of our trip and pictures of the kids and family after they are in bed (if I am still awake).
But for now:
1) It is going better than expected.
2) My mom is here to hep with every thing so we can cuddle kids and teach them to be a family (we could not do it without her help!).
3) All those hours of workshops, book reading and research were worth it.
4) God's faithfulness is seen in every moment of our days and nights!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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