Today I will share my heart and a part of my journey. You may not understand. That's ok. It is where I am, who I am, and what is on my mind.
In this life there is a delicate balance between "Let go and let God" and "pray without ceasing." I do not claim to have found that balance, but I know it is there and some days I get close. Having previously adopted we know about "the wait." What I knew about this wait before we began was that it would be humanly impossible for me. I knew there would be no way I could meet our kids, tell them good bye, and wait for the process to come to a slow and unpredictable culmination. I knew, after enduring the hardest waits ever, that once the kids are here and the family is together and doing life the wait would be a distant memory. But like child birth, the joy of the children never totally erases the recollection of the agony experienced getting them here. Also like child birth, the children do not come without the wait. Knowing this I agreed to this unimaginable wait clinging to the knowledge that God alone would help us through. I also enrolled in a Bible study on the book of Esther. I figured she not only survived, but honored God and saved her people from annihilation; there must surly be something I could learn from her.
I must say that in the beginning I was doing ok. That is, I had a good perspective and was pacing myself and bracing for he long haul. That is until we met the kids, left them in Haiti, and had a miracously short stay in Parquet. That is when the waiting got very diffucult. Someone once said: "A mother is only as happy as her saddest child." When we left Haiti we left our saddest child there without a mother to cling to. After 3 1/2 months of praying for very fast paper work so she could be home and I could take care of her, I changed my focus. I am asking Jesus to hold her close and give her joy and contentment. "Yet will I praise Him." I know that it is all in the fullness of His time; that he knows and loves our children more than we could know; that "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength" and if we wait on government offices and monthly updates our strength will be depleted. Still we wait and at night I now sleep.
The latest report says our children are doing well. In fact, Ronese was seen smiling at the other babies and is alowing the nannies to comfort and care for her. Oh, we are now 4 months in Second Legal (and counting), but I am sure MOI is just around the corner. We are so full of anticipation for "the Day!" But for today I wil enjoy this new picture. Hope you do too.
